A Missing Piece
by TVObssessedGirl28
Summary: He's always been your safety net. But, what happens when the safety net breaks? Will you fall?
1. Unconscious

It has been a tough shift today. I spent most of my 12 hour shift in RESUS attending to the aftermath of an RTC. I can't wait to get home and relax. As I enter my flat I notice it's quiet. I realise my brother isn't home. But, that does not bother me. I know he stills has another 2 hours left of his shift. Grabbing a beer from the fridge I realise my brother will be completely knackered when he comes home so wanting to do something nice for him I decide to cook dinner. Well, when I say 'cook' I mean put a pizza in the oven.

2 hours pass. I expect my brother to come home any minute now, but after 5 minutes no one enters. Maybe he's stuck in traffic so I continue to wait. I don't realise I have fallen asleep until I jolt up to a ringing sound. At first I'm a bit disorientated. I have no idea what the ringing is but, then I realise it's my phone. I pick it up and look at the caller ID. It's reads Ethan.

"Ethan?" I ask sensing something isn't right.

"Cal, please help me!" Ethan whispers.

"Mate, where are you?"

"Bench...hospital."

That's all I hear and then silence.

"ETHAN!" I shout down the phone. I receive no answer. I practically grab my keys and drive like a maniac to the hospital. I am driving so fast it's a miracle I don't end up in a traffic accident on the way. The car skids to a halt as I reach the hospital's entrance. Although the light is dim I can just make out my brother's figure lying on the bench with one hand dangling out. I jump out the car and rush over to him. I kneel down in front of him and shake his shoulders to see if I can get a response.

"Ethan, wake up. It's me." I say in his face hoping to hear him responded. I get nothing.

"Please, mate. Say something?" I practically beg him. Again I receive nothing.

Glancing over my shoulder towards the ambulance bay I spot Dixie and Iain on a break.

"Dix, Iain! Can I get a stretcher over here!" I shout towards them. Within minutes Dixie and Iain rush over with a stretcher.

"Cal?" Dixie asks, "What's happened?"

"I don't know. Ethan called me about 10 minutes ago. He didn't sound too good. He was struggling to speak and then suddenly he fell unconscious. I found him like this when I arrived and I still can't get him to answer me." I say really fast.

The three of us manage to get Ethan onto the stretcher and we immediately roll him into the ED where we are met by Zoe, Lofty and Robyn.

"Okay, what do we have, Dix?" Zoe asks as we roll into RESUS.

"Ethan was found unconscious and has been for the last 30 minutes. Pulse is slow at 45."

"Let's get him into Bay 3." Zoe instructs.

We manage to move Ethan onto the hospital bed. I am about to hook Ethan up on to a machine so we can check his vital signs, but Zoe stops me.

"Cal, you know the rules. No family members allowed."

"No, I want to help!"

"I know you do, but we need to make sure Ethan has the best chance of survival."

Reluctantly, I step aside and let my friends take care of my brother. I try to hold back my tears, but a few escape as I watch Ethan being checked over. Suddenly, I hear the rattling the bed.

"Right, he's having a seizure. Let's get him on his side. And I need 5 mg of Diazepam." Zoe tells Lofty and Robyn. I want to help, I want to make sure my brother is alright. But, I can't move. All I can do is watch my little brother shake in front of me.

After a minutes, the seizure finally passes and Ethan os stable for the moment. Zoe is double checking his vital signs and so I walk over to her.

"Zoe, how is he?"

"To be honest, Cal, I really don't know. Do you have any idea what may have caused this to happen?"

I shake my head.

"Okay, well we'll take a few blood samples and a CT scan to see if they might tell us what is wrong with him."

"But, he will survive, right?" I ask in a whisper.

"Like I've said before, I really don't know. Until we can diagnose the cause of his illness all we can do is keep hourly obs on him."

Zoe leaves me alone with Ethan. Lofty and Robyn follow her out of RESUS. I sit down beside Ethan and take his hand in mine. I know it's going to be a long night tonight.


	2. Waiting

I wake up to the sound I never want to hear. Ethan's heart has stopped and he's flatlining. I press the emergency button and begin CPR on him. Immediately, Zoe with Lofty in tow burst through the doors. They see me doing CPR on Ethan and take over.

"Okay, Lofty take over from Cal." Zoe tells him. I step down and let Lofty take over.

"Cal, why don't you go to the staffroom and I'll let you know what happens." Zoe says.

I shake my head.

"No, I'm not leaving him."

"We're going to need to defibrillate him and it will be distressing to watch."

"I don't care. Just save him. Please, Zoe. Just save him!" I tell her, tears rolling down my face.

"Okay. Charging. Clear."

I watch as Ethan jolts up.

"Lofty, continue with CPR." Zoe instructs.

Ethan is not responding and all I can think about is that he isn't going to make it. No, I shake my head. I can't think like that. Ethan's not going to die. After another round of CPR and one more use of the defibrillator Ethan's heart begins to beat again. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Geez, Eth. You gave us a fright there. You gave me a fright. Don't ever do that again, eh? I can't loose you, not now. Not after I almost lost you in the car crash. Please, Nibbles just get better." I tell him hoping somehow he can hear me. I fell asleep to the sound of the machines beeping, waiting for him to wake up, waiting for my little brother to open his eyes.


	3. News

I don't know how long I've been asleep for, but I wake up when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and I see Robyn there.

"Uh, sorry to wake you, Cal. But, Zoe would like to see you in her office."

My heart suddenly sinks to my stomach. If Zoe wants to see me in her office then it can mean only one thing. It means she has news on Ethan's condition. I just hope it's the news I've been waiting for. i thank Robyn and leave her to keep an eye on Ethan as I walk towards Zoe's office. I knock quietly and wait to receive an answer to enter.

"Come in." I hear her say.

I open the door to find Zoe sitting at her desk and standing next to her is Lofty. I can't tell whether it's bad news or good. Their faces don't tell me anything. Perhaps this is good. Zoe gets up from her seat and walks around her desk to sit on top of it.

"Cal, why don't you sit down."

I shake my head.

"No. Just tell what's wrong with Ethan."

Zoe inhales deeply.

"I think you'd better sit down." She gestures. Hesitantly, I do. I place my hands on my knees and start jiggling my knees up and down, nervous at what Zoe is going to tell me.

"We've got the blood results back." Zoe paused for a few moments.

"And?" I ask worriedly.

"And I'm afraid it's not good news, Cal."

"What do you mean?"

"Cal..."

"Just tell me!"

Zoe hesitates before answering.

"It looks like Ethan has been drugged."

Drugged? Ethan? How is that possible?

"And I'm afraid he's in a coma." Zoe concludes.

My mind freezes. Did she just say what I think she said? No, she didn't.

"Are you sure?" I ask her hoping I misheard her.

"I'm afraid it's true. His brain is being starved of oxygen."

"There must be something you can do?" I say.

"We'll do everything we can for Ethan."

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM!"

"We can't. All we can do is hope Ethan pulls through."

"Zoe, please. You have to do something. You have to save him." I whimper.

Zoe kneels down to my level and places a comforting hand on his knee. She looks up at me with a weak smile.

"I'll do all I can, Cal. You know that. But, at this moment in time all we can do is wait and hope Ethan will fight this and regain consciousness."

I quietly let the tears fall down my cheeks.

"Lofty," Zoe informs quietly, "why don't you take Cal into the staffroom."

Lofty nods. He and I are about to leave when I hear Zoe whisper in Lofty's ear,

"Look after him."


	4. A Rash Decision

I sit on the couch in the staffroom lost in my own thoughts while Lofty goes and makes me a cup of coffee. Looking over I see Lofty is busy with the coffee. I need to get out of here. I need to be on my own for now.

"Uh, mate I just need to head to the bathroom. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." I say.

"Alright." Lofty replies.

Nipping out of the staffroom I sneak over to the storage room and take a scalpel. I hid the scalpel in my trouser pocket while on my way to the bathroom.  
_

 _LOFTY"S P.O.V_

5 minutes pass and I'm still busy making the coffee when I hear the door open. I expect it to be Cal so I don't turn around. It isn't until the person speaks that I realise it's not Cal.

"Lofty, where's Cal?" Zoe inquires.

"He had to go to the bathroom."

"And you let him?" She demands.

"Well, I could hardly say 'no'."

"How long ago was that?"

"About 5 minutes ago."

Zoe groans and turns back round going to look for Cal. I suddenly sense something's wrong so I follow.  
_

I feel light-headed. I am slump against the cubicle door blood pouring from my wrists. I am unaware of my surroundings when I suddenly hear Zoe's voice.

"CAL! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?!"


	5. Race Against the Clock

"Lofty, go and get Max and then come back with some dressings. We need to stop this bleeding."

I see Lofty doesn't move.

"LOFTY! NOW!" I hear Zoe shout.

"Cal? Can you hear me?" Zoe asks trying to get me to remain conscious.

"Please... let...me..die."

"No."

Soon Lofty arrives back with Max in tow.

"Mate? What happened?" Max asks in shock at seeing me in the state I am in and blood flowing from my wrists.

"Just help get him on this trolley." Zoe orders them.

The three of them manage to move onto the trolley and roll me out of the toilets towards RESUS. On our way we are met with Connie and Charlie. Although both are shocked to see me with my wrists cut they remain professional not letting their emotions overrule them.

"Okay, he's bleeding out. We need to stop this now!" Connie demands as they all work on me.

"What happened?" Connie whispers in Zoe's ear.

Although I am still unaware of what's going on I can hear my friends speak while the try to stop me bleeding to death.

"I think he's tried to kill himself." Zoe informs her.

With the amount of blood I'm losing my speech is slurred as I try to speak.

"Ethan... need... die" I say.

"No, Cal. Don't speak. We're going to help you get better." Connie replies softly.

"No...need...to...die. Can't...without...Ethan."

"Listen to me, Cal." Connie says sensing I am not thinking straight and I'm just stressing out. " Ethan's going to be alright. You're going to be alright."

The loss of blood rails me unconscious. I fall into darkness.  
_

 _ZOE'S P.O.V_

It's traumatic to see a colleague, a friend try to kill himself. And it's hard to be the doctor you are when you know who the patient is. I'm confused as to why Cal would do such a thing. I mean I know he's worried about his brother, but to do something like this is unthinkable. So unlike Cal.

The moment I saw him surrounded in a pool of blood in the toilets I was completely stunned into silence, but I knew doing nothing was not going to help. That's when the doctor in me told me I had to act fast if Cal was going to have the chance of surviving this ordeal.  
_

 _CONNIE'S P.O.V_

I never thought Cal was capable of doing such a drastic act. As a person he'd always seem confident, self-assured. But, seeing him in this condition looking so vulnerable I realise that that persona was just a mask. I knew he was struggling to cope with the news about Ethan being in a coma. But, to do something like this I just couldn't bring my head around the idea. What would have happened if Zoe hadn't found him when she did? What would have happened if Ethan came out of coma? How would we be able to tell him that Cal had killed himself?  
_

 _CHARLIE'S P.O.V_

"Connie, he's in VF."

"Alright, let's start CPR."

I begin thumping down Cal's chest trying to restart his heart. After a minute of 30 chest compressions he still had no output so we had to shock him. Still nothing.  
_

 _LOFTY'S P.O.V_

This is kind of my fault. I mean I should have known something was up the moment he left. He'd just been told that his brother was in a coma. I knew he wasn't thinking straight. I should have followed him, but then again I didn't think. I just thought he needed time on his own for a few moments. Charlie is still doing CPR on him, but still there is no output.

It's hard to watch my friend decline in front of me. But, he's not responding to anything we do. I keep pumping oxygen into him while Charlie continues pressing on his chest.

"Come on, mate. You've got to pull through. For Ethan. He's going to need his big brother when he wakes."  
_

My friends continue to restart my heart. I know they want me to pull through, but how am I supposed to when I know Ethan might never wake up from his coma? How am I supposed to live without him?

This is the second time something has happened to him. And to think that I might lose him again, might lose my little brother is the most heartbreaking thing ever.

Then suddenly it hits me. What I've just done is selfish. I realise what happens if Ethan pulls through? How would he feel when he finds out I killed myself?

He would be left alone. No, I can't do that to him. I can't leave him.


	6. Confession

The sound of beeping brings me back to reality. I open my eyes slowly.

"Thank goodness you're awake." Zoe says to me.

"What happened?" I ask still a bit confused.

"You lost quite a lot of blood, but we've managed to stop the bleeding. You're stable but, we'll have to keep you in for 48 hours just to make sure."

Zoe begins to walk out when she stops and comes over to me again.

"I know you don't want to talk about it," she begins, "but, why, Cal? Why did you do it?"

"I can't live without him, Zoe." I reply.

"Well, thank goodness we found you in time because he's going to be alright. Ethan's going to pull through."

Hearing those words made tears form in my eyes and I smiled at Zoe.

"Really?" I inquire still not quite believing.

"Yes. He's going to be just fine."

"Thanks."

"No worries. I'll leave you to get some rest."

I sigh and look up at the ceiling.

 _To think I did what I had just done was unimaginable._

 _To know that Ethan is going to be alright, to know that I could have been dead when he woke up is unbearable._

"I'm so sorry, Eth."  
_

Zoe returns to her office and sits down at her desk. She has a few moments of quiet when it's disturb by a knock at the door.

"Come in."

The door opens and Connie steps in closing the door behind her. She sits down in front of Zoe.

"How is he?" Connie wonders about Cal's condition.

"Stable."

"Good."

Zoe knows why Connie is really here. She knows she's going to say Cal needs help.

"I know what you are going to say, Connie." Zoe starts, "But, is that absolutely necessary?"

"Zoe, he tried to kill himself. That's serious."

"I know it's serious, but he wasn't thinking properly."

"Exactly. He wasn't thinking properly. He's a risk to not only himself but, to his patients."

"Come on. Don't you think you're being a bit too hard on him? He's just worried about Ethan."

"Yes, I'm well aware of that. But, I cannot have a member of staff being a liability."

Zoe laughs.

"A liability? Are you serious, Connie? He needs help."

"Look, Zoe I know it's a tough call to make but, he needs to have an assessment to make sure he isn't a danger to himself or to others."

"A tough call? Really, Connie, I thought you'd be a bit more understanding then this. He needs our support."

"And he's going to have our support."

"What by referring him to a psyche assessment?"

"We need to make sure he doesn't do it again."

"He won't. Not now. Not now he knows Ethan's going to be alright."

"How can you be so sure? He's already done it once, who's to say he won't doing it again?"

"Because he's knows Ethan is going to need him. He knows that he's going to need his brother."  
_

I don't know how long I've been asleep for but, when I awake I see Lofty checking my vital signs. I cough. Lofty stops what he's doing and sees me looking at him.

"Hey, mate." He says, "You gave us quite a scare."

"I'm sorry about that." I reply hoarsely.

"Nah, mate. It's not your fault. I should have known something wasn't wrong when you left. You'd just been told about Ethan and I knew you weren't thinking properly."

"How is he doing?" I ask.

"Ethan? He's doing alright last time I checked but, I can get Zoe to update you on his condition if you want?"

"Thanks."

Lofty finishes his readings on the monitor and then goes off to find Zoe. Not long after he leaves Zoe enters RESUS.

"Lofty tells me you want to know how Ethan's doing"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's stable still and we think he'll wake up in the next 24 hours or so." Zoe smiles.

"Can I see him?

"You need to rest."

"Please, Zoe. I need to see him. I want to see him. I need to be there when he wakes up." I beg.

Zoe can see how I desperate I am to see Ethan and though she knows it's against hospital policy she also knows I'm not going to change my mind. Finally, she gives in and allows me to see Ethan. Silently we go inside ICU. As we enter Ethan is hooked up onto a ventilator with wires attached to his body. There is a monotonous beep and the sound of the ventilator working for Ethan. I pull up a chair beside him.

"I'll leave you two alone." Zoe announces in a whisper.

I turn around.

"No, stay. Please."

Zoe nods and stands behind me.

I take Ethan's hand in mine and stroke the back of it with my thumb.

"Oh, Ethan..." I start to say, "I've been so selfish. I've been such an idiot as well. But, that's nothing new, is it? I don't know if you can hear me but, if you can I need to tell you something."

"Cal..." Zoe cuts me off, "If you're going to do what I think you're going to do then are you sure?"

"I have to tell him, Zoe. He needs to know."

Zoe doesn't take the conversation any further and lets me continue.

"Nibbles, what I'm about to tell you I know it's going to be stressing to hear and it will be difficult for me talk about it, but you are my brother. And you need to know." I inhale deeply.

"When I found out that you had been drugged, that you were in a coma I literally broke. I never felt so scared in my life... well apart from that time when you were involved in the car crash. But, this time it was different. This time I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know what was going on and whether you would pull through. At least when you were involved in the crash I knew what was happening. But, now I couldn't anything except watch as my little brother possible die in front of my eyes. I couldn't deal with the idea that you would probably never wake up so I did something I shouldn't have done."

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Zoe interrupts me again.

I nod. I let a few moments pass between us until I speak again.

"I took a scalpel and slit my wrists." I break down and hold his hand against my cheek.

"I am so sorry, Ethan. I know you are horrified at what I tried to do but, the truth of it is I only did it because I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. You are my little brother. You're not supposed to go before me. So that's why I did it. I did because how could I possibly manage with you to keep in line?"

I feel a squeeze. I immediately bring his hand back down in mine and see a slight movement.

"Ethan? Ethan, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand, will you?"

Again I feel a squeeze. I smile. Ethan is responding to me.

"Zoe! I think he's waking up. He squeezed my hand."

Zoe walks over confusedly.

"Really? Are you sure."

"Yes." I state.

Zoe comes up to Ethan and places her stethoscope on his chest. She checks his vital signs.

"Well, his breathing is clear. Ethan, it's Zoe. If you can hear me, squeeze my hand"

Zoe feels him respond. Soon Ethan starts to cough.

"Right, Cal, can you keep him calm while I remove him from the ventilator?"

I nod and take my position next to Ethan, holding his hand while Zoe goes behind him and deals with the ventilator. I see Ethan begin to open his eyes. He looks agitated. I try my best to calm him down.

"Hey, it's okay, Nibbles. It's me. I know you're scared but, I need you to be brave for me and keep absolutely still while Zoe takes you off the machine. It will make you feel better."


	7. Safety Nets

_Ethan's P.O.V_

"I couldn't cope without you."

That's what my brother says to me. He tells me, my big brother tells me he can't cope without me. I look at him from where I am lying.

"Cal?"

My brother looks up.

"Yes, Nibbles"

"When you said you couldn't live without me, did you really mean it?"

He looks at me, shocked.

"Of course. You're my safety net, Ethan."

I smile and take his hand in mine.

"Well that's good because you're my safety net too."


End file.
